demented specimen

Passion...

I attended Passion World Tour 08 last night. The turn out was quite good, approximately 4000 over people? It was meant for university/college students but oh well, no harm going for the sake of the experience.

The concert was really good. I was moved by the testimony of Ashley and how a party girl like her was brought into God's Kingdom. Her testimony made me realise something. Sometimes we Christians portray ourselves as HOLY and RIGHTEOUS people and many times cause others to feel intimidated or defensive. When nonbelievers look at us, not only they want to see who we are but indirectly they also want to see who God is in our lives and what have we turned out to be with Him in our lives.

Sadly sometimes, instead of seeing the love of God, they see our self righteous judgmental selves and are reluctant to get to know us let alone get to know God. Are we really willing to humble ourselves and reach out to others, or are we so used to being loved by God that we forget that we ourselves are sinners? Sigh.

I personally encountered a very disappointing incident recently but I choose to move on. It is hard but I cannot afford to dwell in the past. I really pray that God will bring me to where He wants me to go.

DECEMBER.. please happen..

Oh Cempaka Schools Choir has won the state level competition. NATIONALS here we come! ;)

today i read a newspaper article on gays. sigh. very sad. the discrimination is great towards them. i actually feel its their choice, there's no such thing as being born as a gay. so yea. but to hate them and push them aside is not right though.

gay men can be quite good friends. lol. you don't have to worry about having feelings for them OR they having feelings for you. so it's safe. haha.

but i can't deny that receiving facial tips from a guy is quite peculiar. felt somewhat funny in a good way i guess. instead of looking at him as a brother, he's a sister instead!

so ladies, if a man is able to tell me how to apply moisturiser the right way, then all of us have got to buck up our beauty skills!

"... apply on your neck and your chest, like those girls who go to the beach, they always do that to make those parts shiny..."
                                                                                                        - a straight guy, omg *sweat*

"... apply on your face, your neck..especially if you're using a whitening moisturiser, make sure you apply on your neck too, if not your face will be fair but your neck dark.. yuck!..."
                                                                                                            - a very wise gay guy

well as you could see, the difference: total opposites. straight guys can't even differentiate between a moisturiser and sun tan lotion! they think sun tan lotion is for making our boobs shiny???? LOL!!!! oh my.

gay men are like women. they offer great beauty tips with sincerity in helping you look good. hehe.

it IS their choice and no matter how my friends are or how i disagree with their choices, i'll still love them.

to all straight guys out there:
stop making "staring-at-shiny-boobs" your only intention of going to the beach, omg!

currently bumming around in taiping. a once peaceful town. not that it's not peaceful anymore but the sight of new buildings growing like mushrooms makes me uncomfortable. isn't taiping supposed to remain the little rain town, which most people would consider spending their retired years in? what are they trying to do to my hometown? sigh..

i see tesco, giant, borneo coffee (which i don't see customers), one cafe after another. sigh. tesco is fine but the price of some items are a bit too expensive for taiping. come on! i can get everything they sell cheaper in any nearby sundry shop, for goodness sake! but i can't deny that the shops inside tesco serve their purposes as lepak spots. it's fun. but i hope taiping will not be turned into some happenin' little town with clubs and all. kl is enough, we don't need another sleepless city ;)

being home feels great. my once sleepless days are being compensated. haha. sleeping at 4am and waking up at 12 pm is so much fun although i had some difficulties waking up late for a few days. funny. for some it's a luxury to be able to wake up as late as they like but for me it was a struggle at first, ironic is it not? i found myself waking up at 5am every morning, my mind telling my body that it has to get up and go to work. but hello! i'm not working anymore! yes i'm an official full time bum for 2 weeks. yay! another week to go and i'll be starting in cempaka. it's exciting but at the same time i'm a little nervous. i hope i'll meet up to my new job.

granny's been making me feel emotional these few days. when we went out the other day, she told me she's so glad i'm back to spend time with her. looking at her and how gray her hair has turned and how she always has to use her walking stick to help her, sigh, it breaks my heart not being with her when she needs someone most. it's only fair that i took her out to town now, 15 years ago she used to take me out to town on her bicycle. i still remember how it feels; fun, windy.. safe..

food's so good in taiping, cheap too! i still haven't eaten my favourite laksa yet. hmm. will go.

there's a saying that old habits die hard. i refuse to believe in that. everything old WILL die someday. in the name of Aslan. LOL!

humbled...

there i was feeling hungry since i only had early breakfast and did not have time to eat lunch. i had to teach tuition in the morning, then rush to school for choral speaking and choir practices. today's the last practice because i'm going home on sunday. can't wait.

by the time practice ended it was already almost 4.30pm. feeling hungry i drove to the usual economy rice shop near my apartment. i parked my car, got down and walked to the rice booth, got myself a packet of white rice and started to choose my dishes.

i usually go for only 2 dishes but today i went for 3, too hungry i guess. i chose a few pieces of sweet and sour chicken, some vegetables, and a bit of potatoes. it wasn't a lot so it cost only RM 4.

i went to the counter to wait in line to pay, and something caught my attention. the guy in front of me was wearing a dirty car workshop tshirt. he didn't look local to me but i'm not sure where he is from. i looked at his rice packet.. white rice and 3 small pieces of meat with a little gravy. the rice uncle murmured something to him and he dug a RM 1 note and 10 sen out of his wallet and handed them over to the uncle.

my heart broke. i wanted so badly to ask him to get more dishes because i wanted to pay for him. i held back because he was with his friends, and i didn't want to embarrass him. now i really wish i had bought him lunch.

as much as i feel i'm broke this month because of shopping for new working clothes and replacing my car tire rims after the accident two days ago, i am indeed blessed beyond measures. God shows me that everyday but today is one of the days that i'm very aware of His grace and mercy.

i really pray that i'll get to meet that guy again. i WILL buy him a meal and perhaps we could eat together.

Jehovah Jireh.. my Provider..

farewell cbn1...

my best friend told me:
"in every farewell, there's a new hello..."

that's true. but this time, the farewell is the hardest to face.

yesterday will be one of the most unforgettable days in my life. after teaching for 3 years 5months in skcbn1, i've decided to move on to another chapter in my life. i'm moving on to cempaka performing arts department. sigh. it's an abrupt change of environment, it's a new exciting start of course. in every new start, it has to begin with the ending of the old chapter. it was a painful end..

some may call me cruel since i did not tell my kids in cbn1 when i was leaving. i only told them on the day itself. sigh. it was their exam week, i didn't want to affect their studies.

it was a very emotional moment for me. hugged my kids, cried.. hugged the teachers, cried.. sang to my choir girls, cried.. drove home, cried.. bathed, cried.. tried to sleep, cried.. woke up, cried.. folded my clothes, cried.. read my messages, cried.. replied messages, cried.. went to giant, heard 'tong hua', teary-eyed.. couldn't cry in public..

sigh..... when will i finally stop crying? i don't know.

dear all in cbn1,
you have brought much joy to my life and have made a great impact in my heart. the friendships i have i will never forget. tears and laughter, they all are precious memories to me now. you have changed me both better and worse. the good shall remain, the bad i'll try to forget. but whatever it is, i will not say much here. it's personal and it means too much to me for me to share my heart here. well blog-printer, sorry to disappoint you ;p

you can continue printing my blog though. i know you're my biggest fan.. yay!

Allah Peduli...

   

ALLAH PEDULI

Banyak perkara
Yang tak dapat kumengerti
Mengapakah harus terjadi
Di dalam kehidupan ini

Satu perkara
Yang kusimpan dalam hati
Tiada sesuatu 'kan terjadi
Tanpa Allah peduli

Allah mengerti Allah peduli
Segala persoalan yang kita hadapi
Tak akan pernah dibiarkanNya
Ku bergumul sendiri
S'bab Allah mengerti

i watched agnes monica's youtube video where she sang this song. it's a lovely song. edward chen sang a chinese version of it. a song of hope, trust and faith...

well done my choral babies... ;) you girls did it again. i'm very proud of all of you. really. it's going to be very hard to forget you girls. hugss.

her hands...

gently i clung to her fingers
nothing mattered anymore
her hands would soothe,
nurture and care
when i was feeble and bare
her hands were there...

her hands held me up
through my journey in life
through joy and laughter
through hurt and sorrow
anger and pain
even when i refused
her grasp never withered
her hands were there...

these were the hands
that moulded and shaped
that broke and chiseled
to create a better me
that i've never thought i could be
as i was becoming who i am
her hands were there...

as the seasons consumed time
her hands laboured with love
patiently working in silence
never paused to rest
determined to bring out the best
that nobody else could see
yes she brought it out in me
her hands where there...

many years passed
leaving wrinkles on her hands
every line showing incomparable love
every scar showing undying sacrifice
they were weakened to make mine strong
yet faithfully still clinging on to her grasp
now that her hands are frail
my hands are here...

to my mummy... your love has taught me much more than anyone else could... you're my pillar...

Happy Mother's Day... i love you.....

le ressonnant... together in harmony...

choir has always been a part of my life. it's part of my passion, which is singing and music.

my first experience training the le ressonnant was an unforgettable nightmare. i thank God i don't remember how they used to sound like anymore. they sounded so bad that when i heard them for the first time, one word came to my mind - h o p e l e s s...

since i was still a trainee teacher still doing my practicum, i felt obligated to train them since my lecturer was the one who recommended me to them. fine, so the journey began...

i cringed every time i heard them sing. my oh my. it was so sad that when they stepped on stage, other schools seemed to recognise their outfit and start snickering and giggling, like as if they knew what would come next.

in 2004 and 2005, i would say that all i was able to do, was to help them not embarrass themselves in the preliminary round. they weren't good enough to qualify for finals but at least they didn't sound horrible enough to wake the dead. i couldn't do much as the teacher only called me to train them 2weeks prior to the preliminaries! it was impossible!

2006 was a breakthrough. i was again called to train the choir, only this time it was a few months before the competition. vocal training was intense and the choir girls went through torturous drills. haha. im evil i know. but i was determined to transform this choir into a winning team. enough of being the laughing stock among other choirs. i couldn't bear to see them like that. they had lots of potential, great voices but lack of experience and training. after months of sweat and muscle pulls, they competed in the preliminary round and for the first time in 8 years, they qualified for the finals! such overwhelming joy!

dirgahayu and a medley of think of me and somewhere over the rainbow, these were the songs that finally made them the 2006 CHOIR STATE CHAMPION. who would have imagined that a choir that had never made it to the finals, emerged as the state champion! even i was shocked. but glory to God, He made it possible.

2007 was also another success. last year meant a lot to me. it was really moving to see the girls shining on stage and giving their best. i miss them. all the seniors have finished school but they left behind a legacy for the future choir members, and also set a par for them to compare to as well. 2007's choir would be very hard to defeat.

2008 is a fresh outlook, fresh touch in music arrangement and fresh new members. they all came in a package, good and bad altogether. you name it, they've got it! gossiping, backstabbing, drama, crying, laughing, screaming, tone deaf girls, powerful girls, talented pianist, talented conductor, fantastic soloists, experienced seniors, rebellious juniors... etc.. add them altogether and you'll get a storm. i got into trouble because of some foul-mouthed-girl, who isn't even in choir. she told my boss i was emotional, unprofessional and i cried during their training just because one form 2 girl didn't turn up. dramatic much? omg.

none of the rumour was true and i was surprised to hear that a lot of people didn't like the way i trained. the choir girls were okay with all the drilling and in fact i think they enjoyed themselves. if some people out there are too jealous, well form your own choir and start singing on your own. omg. shallow minded imberciles. nevermind. don't want to waste my energy typing about worthless creatures.

anyways. this year is good. after much turmoil, tears, anger and laughter, the team remained together in harmony. seniors and juniors made up, hugged, cried.. aww.. love is the movement! they are state champion once again. this is the 3rd year, do not ever give up girls.

i cannot find any word to describe how overwhelmed i am with God's grace on my girls and i. obviously i don't deserve any of this. but God made it possible.. He turned the impossible into the possible, He turned a hopeless situation into a precious journey to glory..

and yes...

1 Corinthians 1:27 (New International Version)

27But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.

it's true..... sing out girls... you're part of the melody in my heart...

2007
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=487DWLBB9ZQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fmZFabi4RDs

2008
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OHzxM1euyZw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cIj-Vpps3Js

enjoy...

God is Indescribable...

i am so overwhelmed.

when the world thought i'll never be good enough,
He showed me that it's by His power that my life is making sense.

my life is going to change now and i'm really grateful to God, my Provider, my Deliverer, my Creator... my Father...

Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you... its true......... so true...

Farewell CBN1...

did my words kill you?.. aww sory..

"first they called me insane... now they call me EMO and unprofessional... what next? smk cbn choir girls. you better watch your mouths. please remember who stood by you all these years. hah. 2 times state champs huh. ungrateful bunch of spoilt brats! push me to the limits and you'll stand alone. try me."

i wonder... what's so wrong with expressing my feelings? i wasn't cursing or swearing. why would anyone be so offended with the above statement? is it such big a deal?

ok correction:

"first they called me insane... now they call me EMO and unprofessional... what next? those smkcbn girls who created rumours. you better watch your mouths. hah. if the choir girls have no problem with me training them and are still close to me, why do you want to create so much drama? if i am unprofessional, why don't you train? i have no problem with that. if i am so insane and emotional, how come the choir girls couldn't recall when i cried? haha. funny. and for someone to even believe what you said, wow im amazed. the way i trained the girls have brought back results. the girls are not traumatised in any way, neither are they scarred for life. they themselves know why sometimes i'm very strict with them. and i'm happy to say this, they're stronger than you think. so if you don't like the way i train, kindly refrain from watching me train. don't watch, and then get so upset about it when it's NOT even you i'm training!"

note to the blog-printer:
this is what my housemate said when i told her you printed my blog for my bosses to read:
"Eeyer... why so KEPO wan?"

let this be your motto in life ok! go kepo!